My Version of a Good Day

Though it’s only 7.45pm, I would say so far today is what I would call a ‘good day’.

Though we started the day a little late, I liked how all 4 of us managed to go out to get breakfast together. Tabao-ed prata from casuarina 😋

Craving for nice prata settled. Then also had teh terik which I had been weirdly craving too... so that’s settled too... 😬

All things like cleaning and sweeping etc fell into place right before a nice home-cooked lunch by the hubs! Hor fan..... something different from our (recent) usual.

So that was nice.... 

Then I even had time to take a short nap which was just right before having to get ready for appt.

Even managed to wash Rou’s clothes before bathing and had 15mins to spare. I tried to latch her but she didn’t want to.

Which turned out just nice cos by the time i settled the clothes and prepared some stuff, time was up to leave. 👍🏼

What I feel comforted is knowing that the hubs is home to watch over the kids instead of just mummy alone.

I know this is not a privilege most normal job 8-5pm parents have. But hubs n I work odd hours. So we shldnt always compare ourselves to regular job parents right?

It’s also why I feel so torn about the thought that soon, the day will come when both wp n myself needs to be in office/work at the same time and baby rou is left with mummy alone.

1stly that woman is 4years older than when we had don. She’s almost 70! And she still thinks she’s wonderwoman.

She’ll try to cook, clean and take care of baby when we’re gone!

So that in itself creates more stress in me than  anything!

Like u know something IS gonna happen yet you don’t do anything to stop it. It felt that way with don and the feeling is worse this time round with rou..

Saw a video the other day about mothers having to return back to work after maternity leave. That it’s a new phase of life for the family too.... and not to get stressed over it.......

Haizz.... maybe those ppl didn’t have a Super stubborn Mother!

Things will work themselves out I know.... n I try not to think too much and that far ahead.....

So for now, I’ll just be happy and feel blessed about what a great day today has been! Thank God!!! Alhamdulilah for an awesome Sunday!

What am I doing?

The sales update chatgrp just showed someone declaring a $29k premium plan....

This is not the 1st time this FY that someone has closed a 5-digit case.

With a baby in my arms, trying to rock her to sleep......... it seems like the only ‘target’ I’m running these days are how much milk I can pump out/ how to time manage housework and Tasha’s milk time/ planning her milk times and my pump sessions

Everything is baby/ don related if not it’s house management related... it’s not that I don’t like doing those...

Just sucks esp at moments like this when I see my peers (esp those without kids) getting ahead in their careers and me, 13years in the biz yet still not a fucking breakthrough......

Barely managing now esp..... feel like I’m drowning in backlog and shortfall!

Heck, see even shedding a few tears now makes me worry that it will affect the amount I pump out once I’m done with this post!

What have I gotten to?!?!! 

Are these 2 kids worth the sacrifices I’ve taken with regards to my career? Heng I’m not some mdrt.... if not sure more emo!

Hope God will continue to look out for me and help me through this year.... just help me maintain mdc gold can le! Please bless me dear Lord! 

I pray for strength, energy and determination..... praying for patience and opportunities and especially guidance!

Please look out for me... ameen.....

And also please help me clear the block ducts in my boobies... hurting like mad. Maybe that’s why more emo..... 😭😪

Cheating & Scandals

So apt how the news of Andy Hui cheating on Sammi Cheng just broke out a few hours ago...

Apparently he was caught on video (in a taxi 🙄) with the other woman. Kissing and touching and all that......

Not that I’m a fan of either of them.. but it’s the concept of cheating and challenge of maintaining a relationship/ marriage that have been on my mind lately.

With a new baby in the family, some days can get quiteeeee overwhelming!

Exhausting is also another word I’ll use.. however thankfully this time round, I’m kinda used to waking up at odd hours..

Just miss having stretches of 3-4hrs of proper sleep....

Ok I digress....

So anyway with both of us being so tired, sex is basically not very high on the to-do list.

But noooooo.... I’ve been wanting it since wk 2 or 3 postpartum actually! 

Just really sucks that we don’t have the proper space or privacy where we can do it without someone just walking in! 🤦🏼‍♀️

And I don’t want just a quickie..... not after such a hiatus and also it being the ‘first time’ since Tasha arrived.... plus how all those complications right before she came also kept us actionless 😒

I know ure reading this bb, it’s not that I DONT want.... I WANT!! Pls create a time n space for us... hahah....

Ok anyway back to that video..... most of the time, it showed him reaching out to hold her hand.. (though she was the one throwing herself at him most of the time) but still it’s a 2-party kind of thing...

Humans are weird... we need certainty but we also crave uncertainty... while we want the certainty of going home to the familiar cb/kkb, we crave the uncertainty of how a different cb/kkb experience might feel...

It’s perfectly ok if this craving for uncertainty happens when a person is not in a relationship or (God Bless) marriage!

But it truly sucks when it happens in the latter and the party in play can’t control their emotions and actions.

That’s when soooo many people get hurt and sometimes things go beyond ‘repair’.

We hear it so often on how it’s very very very important to WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE. To invest time in each other.

But when technology and all matters of daily life try to snatch you away from the one u call ‘Husband/wife’, it can get hard.

Both parties might feel like they’re trying but as it is, all of us have very different expectations.

So expectations + tense/stressful conditions = unsatisfaction  

I feel that’s when people stray. They look outward to find something that can satisfy them.

May not be sexual. But definitely it’s gonna be taking time AWAY from working on the issue at hand.

And not putting IN more time to work on it.

Haizz heavy topic... much more to say on this

But at 1.30am, with baby happily fed, I think sleep is more impt! Hahah...

Last thing to add before I end...... I think maybe that’s why somehow a part of me is dying to go on a short trip. Just us 4 as a family. (Though I also feel that i do owe my in laws an awesome holiday for all their help the last few months!)

But just for now, I feel I need the space to regroup and reconnect with my husband and kids (mainly don) without the distraction of normal daily life. And probably have leisurely sex while both the kids sleep.....

Is that too much to ask for?

(🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 pls let that 10k loan get through.. then I think I don’t mind to spare a few hundreds to escape to Batam for a few days!haha...)i

THE DAY (6.3.19 Part 1)

THE DAY!

4am: was waken a few mins ago to take blood pressure... 172/90 or something like that.. it’s been high since last night.

Nurse took another time on the right side and it’s 148/88..

Just went to pee... gonna sleep awhile more before they come in and insert the poo poo pill ard 5am...

3hrs more to seeing you baby!

5.40am: just done taking a suuuper long shower because I know I most likely won’t do that till tmr at least.

Annoying thing is I don’t understand why it can get quite warm middle of the night till the point of perspiring and my heart will start racing..

And then suddenly, it’s cool again... 

Anyway I’m actually starting to feel quite hungry! Arghhh.... how ah... don’t think I’ll see food till waaaaay later...

Ok, gonna distract myself with a movie now... abt 1hr more till THINGS START TO HAPPEN!!! 😮😱😳😲🙏🏼

7am: waiting to go down to the OT... freaking out.... not ready!

Shit is getting real..... ahhhhhhhhhhh

9.05pm: what a day it has been! Don’t even know where I shld start! Haha..

Let’s start from the op.. so they wheeled me down to the OT ard 7+am..

Went through all the health questions and name checking.

Then came to my feared spinal epidural jab.. the jab itself wasn’t that painful per say... it was the mental part thereafter that got to me.

Cos shortly after the jab was administered, my legs felt numb and wobbly... and very warm.. comfy warm..

At this point the nice anaesthetist ask what song I wanted to listen... I replied anything then she asked how about 周杰伦?

Haha, of cos I said ok! 

So that’s how Natasha came into this world...... with Jay’s 再给我两分钟 playing in the background....

Those lyrics was so apt cos it played right before the moment they were going to push her out...

Ok but moving back, soon after the epidural, I can’t feel or move even my toes.. everything waist down felt soooo heavy. 

And I felt that I needed to be shifted cos wasn’t comfortable but yet cldnt express in what way...

Then I became mentally paranoid and started hyperventilating.

But was told that it’s an effect of the epidural as well. Where the chest feels numb too. So breathless and the feeling of wanting to vomit will happen.

They then gave me oxygen to breathe in.. which did help! Thank God! I was praying so hard....

That part felt really really awful...

But after that when it all started, it was still v manageable.

The funny part was when I felt sooooo many hands pushing baby out!

Later found out from wp that they were trying to get baby in position to get out of the small slit that was cut by dr Choo! Hahah...

And it was funny to hear how they exclaimed and their comments when they saw the size of little girl!

Also commented on her lots of hair... :)

I was soon told by wp that Natasha weight 4.215! Hahah.... but she really doesn’t seem as swollen as don at birth!

Ok. I think I need to break up this post. Eyes are closing and I really need the rest.

Will continue tmr.....

—

This post took longer than expected to be posted... but because it’s so chocked full of emotions and memories!

Can’t imagine how time flew by so quickly and the little girl is now just over a month old!

I’ll get to part 2 of the actual day soon! Before my memory fails me! Hahah...

But for now, decided to drop this post on a special day..... the day ME was born 34years ago!!!! 

Hahah.... 

Storyteller Don

Of recent weeks, don has ‘grown up’ quite abit...

He yakes so much and can go on for sooooo long about something funny he saw or heard.

And when ure busy with a nb and/or just plain lazy sometimes, the easiest way to entertain a toddler is to just let him speak! 😬

(In fact the same method works for adults! Haha... the key factor here is that you must look “interested”)

So now he likes to do this whole re-enactment of certain parts of a movie or cartoon he has watched.. and he can go on and on and on and on...

And he’s like so serious about it most times you know! So serious about getting the story across that it’s so cute and funny! 😅

Usually I will feed his story telling ego by looking soooo engrossed and even asking relevant questions excitedly....

but suddenly now at 5am, I’m wondering if I’m doing him a disfavour by harnessing his lo-so skills???

Will he grow up to be a chong-hei uncle (like mr E)?!??!! 😳

This boy’s EQ doesn’t look strong at this point too.... 😂