I need to break this cycle

"If I get 60years to live, I'm alrdy half done!" 😱😨

This thought came to mind suddenly while I was listening to '7 years' by lukas graham..

Cos his papa had 61...

Scary isn't it... When suddenly life doesn't seem like it'll be forever.......

What have I accomplished so far?

What more do I want to accomplish?

After ytd's review at work.... Somehow feel like crap... 10years.. With the titles achieved.. Mediocre.

Made too many misjudgements along the way...

Just feeling so down and out....

A good part of me knows that its correlation to the amount I have in my bank account... Haizz

A good cry will probably be only a temp relief.. But even tt I'm tired to do..

After so many times, the only 'cure' is sales to come in... 

So dear God, please help me.... Spare me the pain... I'm feeling so tired and torn...

How pathetic is it that few days ago I can cry in my sleep saying "我很累了... 真得很累了...."

Woke up to a wet face.. Haven cry like tt in the sleep for awhile le...

Dear God, please make things easier for me... I know that You're trying to make me stronger... But then please do grant me strength of mental and physical...

I think I'm breaking.

Why so many things to do???!?!?

Some days I think I think too highly of what I'm capable of settling in a day!

With our alternate working day arrangement currently, on my 'off' day like today.... I decided to wash all the bedsheets...

Then cos need to set up his cot, I've decided to vacuum the room and our bed... But it gets challenging to do so with a worm who needs attention and a mother who is not really helping at the appropriate time...

So now at 3.45pm, I've still yet to vacuum the room n bed.. Do up his cot and wash the steriliser & his bottles containers! 😱

PLUS! I just realised this morning that there's baby fair this weekend and tt merries is participating with a good deal on their carton...

So I need to figure out how to generate the energy and time to go expo to get tt.. 

Too many things to do, too little time, too little energy... 😔😖😭😣

Lost

I think I'm in a very bad state now.

I'm soooo tired physically and mentally I'm drained.. I know I have plenty to do but I don't wanna do anything. At all.

I'm plugged with emotions ranging from frustration, anger, confusion, unloved, hurt, sadness............

And when I try to block away all those feelings, I just feel so damn tired.

I'm really not sure if this 'tiredness' is something that some extra snooze time can rectify... I'm hoping it is....

Because I just feel soooo imbalanced emotionally right now... Like I can break down anytime... 

What's worse, the hubs seems to have something else in mind... I dunno if this is just the psycho part of me talking, but I feel that he doesn't love me the same anymore...

We can be in the same room half the night and be silent.. Just so absorbed in our own worlds...

The never-ending conversations we used to had.......... Seems like it HAS ended... 😭

I dunno la..,, I really feel sooooo lost... Am I losing it?!?!! Is it just hormones? Why am I crying? What's wrong with me......... I think maybe I need help..