Lousy system

Pen: Checked
Paper: Checked
Calculator: Checked
Ideas: Checked

Damn system didnt let me in to calculate the shortfall! So im gonna relax the night away..
Nose going koo-koo again suddenly..haizzz...

我真得不明白。。。

- Is there really a need to compromise soooooo much in a relationship??? Even for simple things...
- Why do one still go through all that?
- Where's the happiness in that???

Countdown: 1mth 10days

Had a very bleh day... Bought some makeup and painted my nails.. So had kind of a nice pamper-myself evening...

Now mind back at work.. Left about 1mth 10days before the end of financial year 2010.. Im starting to freeak out more.. Cos still far from target!! Ok la..to be honest with the double credit thing, hope still seems there.

This is exactly what i was hoping, praying and waiting for! Just wish that the range of plans under the campaign was more than just those 2.. But at this stage, i'll accept anything.. Any double credit is better than none!

But guess even if achieve MDC, the pay aso lup sup.. So hopefully can achieve the original amount. Best can hit the 35k bonus tier.

Ok, to those not in the company, the above is just a whole load of bla bla blah...So do just ignore this entry cos it's just me ranting on and stressing out over the target..

About $15000 left.. Can i do it?? mmmmm.....

Surprise surprise

Really wonder why is the weather soooooooo bloody hot these days!Esp the past 1 week.. Was pespiring like mad just now while playing game at the void deck.. Not even a slight gust of wind loh~ argh..

Anyway found out about something ytd which got me quite uncomfortable.. I know it's not right or nice to say it this way..It's not as if im swatting away admirers like flies. So i shld feel honored that he's blind enough to feel so.. But 有时候feeling不在,就是不在啊...

Funny thing is that i dun even communicate much with him in the first place. So im not really sure, how it got to this. Hahah...I seriously hope he doesnt say anything. My gut feel is telling me something i dun really want to feel right now..ahhh...

I think i know too well the joy and also pain that 暗恋ing a person can create. So while im seriously puzzled by what he sees in me, i aso dun wanna be the asshole that hurts him.

Let's just hope nothing happens.. He gets real busy with work n forget all these nonsense..
I sometimes feel like murdering my cupid angel (if there is one la) u know! Shooting arrows at all these people who i dun even fancy but not even one at the kind i like! Why! U blind or what... Need to send u for re-course arh Cupid..

Postnote

mmmm..oh noo! Something just came to mind.. Do you feel the same way abt me too?!?! As in what im feeling towards him now? Like im putting u in the same position as the one im dreading.. oh shit..

Failed expectations

Sometimes i dun understand why i get myself sooooo worked up over what u said or how u reacted to somethings... And then i realise it's because what u say matters to me. I treasure your comments,be it good or bad.. So then i try to see things from your point of view.. Sometimes i get it..Sometimes i just don't.

Today, i dont..

Im getting sick n tired of living up to your 'expectations'. I know im not answerable to you for any of my actions. But somehow your approval matters to me. Could be because we've been friends for so long n i treasure the friendship we have. But perhaps to you, it's all a different matter now.

Im frustrated how u think too deeply into any of my actions. Drink coffee u aso got something to say..what game i play aso something to say...u know how tiring it is trying to do things when everything i do seems to be judged by you?

Maybe im thinking too much. I know u're just watching my back for some things i do. And i really appreciate it.. Thats why i even take what you say seriously. Perhaps too seriously at times that your unhappiness or 'black face' affects me more than u know..

Im just very tired of the ways things are right now..just gonna give u your space n hope things turn for the better.. Lesser contact lesser conflicts i guess... oh well..

Tiring sunday..

It's sunday..Im waiting for an appt which has been postponed from 6pm to 6.30pm.. And im not sure why but im really reaaaaallly tired today.

Feeling soooo drained of energy. I mean im generally complaining that im tired,like all the time.. But today i just feel soooo drained. Like even typing this is taking lots of effort. You know the feeling where u feel like u're breathing so shallow n slowly. That somehow u can picture all your internal organs sleeping. Im feeling like that now.

Super in no position to go save the case later.. Haiz..Hope i can convince her not to withdraw but just lower the amount.

This weekend has been kinda lousy in terms of production. Im starting to get worried because the financial year is ending soon. October has just started which means there's barely 2mths left to financial year 2010. Im like abt 17k away from target.

Do-able? I really dunno.. Ive done it before.. But i really have no idea whether i can do it again! I know what needs to be done to achieve it. I know what kind of plans can help me get it. But all i need now is to find the group of people who'll help me get there!...

Just hoping and praying that the initiative that we've started will give us results very soon! Good results..no wait, GREAT results..

Haiz, guess i should start writing the undone paperwork now instead of being in here.. On moments like this, i kinda wish that u're here so that i can lean against you. Nua-ing together as we both do our own stuff.. Quiet comfort in each other's company.. mmmmm... im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired ar....

=(