Life’s biggest joke

You know, God’s biggest joke on human kind— creating Man & Woman soooo different from each other is 101 millions ways BUT he wants this 2 to live together and procreate.

Maybe some will call it a “test”.. but to me right now, it’s the biggest joke ever!

Marriage, even WITHOUT kids can be a challenge.. but with kids, it’s yet just another factor for more disagreements within the marriage..

You know, I have never felt like a single mum because of all your help with the kids and housework…

but my biggest issue with you is your temper… a fucking nasty temper that gets worse whenever ure stressed out over work or money matters..

Honestly in the past, I will spend the time n effort to baby you and boost your ego back up.. but you know what is a vicious cycle?

When I don’t get back that same affection or silver of love back from you…. I know everything that you do, you do it for the family… but are you speaking my love language?

Do you even bother to understand what’s my love language? The need for connection + conversations! That’s how you can fill up my emotional bank!

It’s not that you don’t know.. it’s that you don’t bother to even try! 

Like how now, I don’t even bother to try motivating you. Some days I even give up trying to speak nice to you. Why? Because ure always frowning and speaking meanly back.

Yes, I’m being very honest here… I’ve considered hard whether I should post this, knowing that maybe you’ll read this.

But if I don’t get this out of my head, I’m really going to go crazy… I’ve no one to talk to, no bloody support and I guess I’ve just lost my best friend.

Every time you throw your temper, know that I’m not a saint with no temper too! In fact I believe I can be worse than you! But do I just any how throw it at you or the kids?

No! But do you bother to hold back when ure angry for whatever petty reasons?

They’re freaking kids but the way you scold them these days……. U can’t control, no, I should use the word MANAGE.. manage your emotions yet you expect that from your kids. Both of whom are not even FIVE! Ridiculous….

Parenthood is fucking hard! It really is! There’s no guidebook or shit…

But I’ve always wanted to work at this together WITH you! But of late, i don’t know why it’s getting harder and harder.

Your temper is as hot as the weather these days. And my patience for you is as little as the rain fall we’re getting……

I can’t seem to get it to you that Don is learning and watching. Even rou is picking up all the bad stuff…

I guess we’re both tired… tired from parenthood. Tired with the challenges in this season of our life.

Tired maybe from one another too? Very honestly, I know I am with you recently. Don’t lie, you’re sick and tired of my ‘nagging’ too.

But fuck, if there is nothing to nag about, you think I crazy and want to ngiam issit? Something is wrong, then I don’t say and just correct it on my own… then it will happen again and again isn’t it? But if say alrdy and it happens again, then shld I just give up and accept it or try to correct it again?

You get my point anot?!?!!! This call nag?

Haizz now even my hp decides to close this before I can type finish..

I’m just going to sleep it off… 

God, please stop giving us these ‘tests’! I know these are not even the “mid-year test standards” but we’re already failing real bad.

Please give us guidance and the gift of patience! Ameen