First movie Post- pregnancy

Just watched our first movie since baby's arrival!

Watched the Hunger Games..

Ending was abit hmmm... I guess something nice to just watch without thinking too much..

But left baby home in a hurry.. Wonder how he's doing..

Gonna rush back to him now..

It feels good in some ways.. To move away from the norm of daily duties.. Now at least I feel recharged to handle his needs..

Hope he wasn't a handful for mama to handle!

Dead tired

My fussy boss finally decided to give me a little break!!!

My back is breaking...

Little boy, how can you make a human like me sooooo busy and tired?!?!!

When I can manage 300+ clients and still have my own free time..

Breastfeeding is a chore too.. Or rather pumping in my case... Fussy boy is also lazy boy.. So expressing is the only way...

Thgh there is happiness when I'm able to heat up the bm instead of making formula..

Why? Because formula is expensive!

You know it's like one of those things those biz ppl capitalise on..

The more u need to use it, then make it more ex! Because regardless so, sure will have ppl still will buy!

(At this point I refuse to believe that it's expensive because of all the brilliant nutrients tt formula has and all the research work tt went behind it! 😏)

So yeah... Milk la.. Diapers la...

Haiz, soo tired yet still want to rant nonsense like this that will have no outcome anyway! 😞

THE Day nanny leaves

The baby has been bathed... His clothes are being washed...

N in a matter of hours, the nanny will be gone!

I never thght I wld be this upset over her departure.. Perhaps it's the fear of what is to come...

I can no longer just 'dump' baby to someone who I trust.. Who I'm at least 90% sure she knows what's she's doing..

It's the end of my extended 'freedom' after giving birth slightly over 4weeks ago!

Am I ready?

Honestly no....

But I'm sure with support and help from the hubs and my mum, we'll get thrgh...

Of cos a lot of spiritual guidance from above too.. Hopefully baby will slowly understand our methods and adapt nicely...

N also we can understand him better on our part too...

------------

4pm:

Oh shit... I can just feel depression overcoming me...

Delayed post natal blues?

Baby is alright so far but I dunno y I'm just feeling so overwhelmed.. Like I really wish nanny can be here forever! N I just wanna cry now..

He fussed a little here n there but hubs have been a great help so far!!!

Oh gosh... Why am I feeling so down like tt....

Nanny's last day

Nanny is leaving tmr morn... I'm facing it with mixed feelings...

Partly I'm happy that I don't have to hear her 'scolding' baby at times or when he cries so pitifully but I don't step in because I don't want her to feel incompetent...

On the other end of the spectrum, i am really not keen to leave baby with mummy all alone... At least not yet...

Just don't feel secured that mama can handle baby AND doggy... 

Knowing her over-achieving mental craziness, she will sure try to squeeze in housework too!!

Really hope things work out... Now in the mentality of facing 1 day at a time! •fighting•

Biggest lottery win ever!

Omgosh!!! 

Baby, u gave us the biggest win ever on 4d! (On such a nice date too! 11/11/15)

It's the last 4 numbers of your birth certificate.... :)

This is definitely gonna help yr daddy n mummy a lot!! Thanks baby....

THE Birth Story (Part 2)

Ok so post-op...

One of the first things I rmb doing was also feeling my tummy.. Which was soft and flat.. Fine! It's nt supermodel flat but flatter than it has been in months!!! And not as hard as what it was for weekssss!!!

I was soooo confused... Like was baby out alrdy? What happened? Baby ok? Am I (in caps) even ok?

Nobody was telling me much and rmb I was still blind as fuck...

N thirsty! Hahha..

I cldnt understand y I was only offered water.. Sips of water! And nothing else...

Ltr I was told that ppl DID try to tell me why and what was happening.. I guess things just wasn't registering yet..

It was still pretty much a blur for the full 1st day.. Wp tried to show me baby's pix on the 2nd day but I still cldnt really see.. It was only a blurry outline.. 

Was later told that my blood pressure went up to 169 tts y i had fits and fainted..

N tt was pre-eclampsia..

For the days that follow, I slowly regained my sight.. Ppl who came on the first 2 days saw the sad sight of me at my worst!

They actually 'announced' their arrival and said who they were.. I cld link who they were based on their voices but I cldnt see them clearly.. Just a blur shape of shadow.. But some voices took a bit of effort.. Can't rmb whose though...

Now thinking back, I wonder why the thght that this blindness could last forever never crossed my mind! Perhaps that positiveness was a blessing or perhaps tt was because I had sooo many other things to register and comprehend!

But slowly the pieces started to come together.. Many stories were told to me over the next few days... Even up to today, 3wks on, I still hear bits here n there of things that happened which are still new to me..

I stayed in the post-op ward for abt 3days then was sent to the normal A ward.. Stayed there for another 3 days..

The long stay was also because of the high pressure I was still having despite the crazy amount of medication they were giving me..

When I shifted to the normal ward (which really looked like a hotel!), daily activities included going to the special ward that baby was at.. 

He cldnt be put in the normal nursery because he was still on drips for the low sugar he was having...

Wp had the clearest pix of the sugar readings and all.. I still cldnt understand much and I really didn't want to pressure myself to uds...

Really feel so blessed that wp took charge of the situation and made me feel so secured through the entire process.. His firmness and strong level of steadiness really gave me a peace of heart and mind..

Like I knew that with him around, everything is taken care of... IM taken care of...

The poor dude had to do sooo many things.. Baby came too suddenly.. We barely had anything done..

So during those first few days, he rushed ard to get things settled..

Sighz... It was really a pretty eventful and dramatic birth of Baby 1... (Even before I got discharged, I started having nosebleed daily which has NEVER happened before in 30years!)

Baby came out of me and I didn't even hear his cry or anything.. I cldnt even see him for days!!!

But above it all, i realised tt I felt protected by the Higher Being.. There were many times I think tt a normal person would have broken down esp with those post-natal hormones shit I feared so much!

But so blessed that God protected me from all that throughout! God protected baby too...

Baby is really a fighter... I look forward to the day he can understand this story that I will tell him..

I will tell him of the many sacrifices that his daddy made for his mummy and for him.. How the first few days after his birth, daddy was sooo drained every day.. How daddy went to look out for him every day when he was in the special care unit.. When mummy cldnt move yet..

Baby is blessed... I am blessed... Wp is blessed... We are all truly blessed that after all that, everything is now starting to look normal.. 

That health wise, both baby n I are doing well.. 

It is definitely one birth story that is beyond my wildest imagination.. And it has taught me to treasure good health.. Treasure family... And most importantly, treasure my dear husband, wee ping... 

I love him for all that he has done.. All tt sacrifice and selflessness has to come from one place and only for one reason..

I need to question no more of his love for me (at least for now! Hahah)

He may nt be the romantic, tender guy most of the times... But when it did matter, he did what was needed to make me feel secure...

And to me, that is more than enough.... :)

Ok, perhaps a part 3 is needed to just talk abt emotions... Haha.. N tt will be for another day... 

M

THE Birth Story

This will definitely not be one of your typical birth story you'll hear!

And I never thought this will be how MY first childbirth experience will be!

It all started on the morning of 14th oct... So the past few days I was suffering from some stomach muscle cramps (actually till now I still have no idea if those were muscle cramps or otherwise! 😁).. But that morn when I woke up, I had a blinking bright light in my vision.. It looked like tt icon u'll see on the iPad when something is still in the midst of loading.. The rotating clock thing?

Yeah.. So tt but brighter..

So that appeared throughout the morning then here n there in the afternoon... But then I started having those cramps again..

Long story short, by evening, I wasn't in good shape! If I remember correctly, my vision started to appear blurry when I woke up from a nap in the evening... It started out as only being able to see the outlines and shape.. Basically i cld see but super not in focus..

Then slowly things got so bad till it was just a complete blur! Of cos I freaked out.. But actually now thinking back, I think mentally I wasn't fully right already..

Maybe totally mixture of confusion, fear and shock...

And the only reason why we didn't go to the hospital right away was because my Gynae check with Dr Choo was the next day and at 9am.. So we thght we cld wait it out...

But I think ard 1+ wp say I started acting weird.. Was blinking my eyes v hard and deliberately.. This was when he said 'let's go to the Hosp now'

According to him, I said ok then said I need to go toilet to pee first... Thn that's when things got scary.. For him at least.. Cos frm here on, I can only recall bits n pieces..

He said I collapsed in the toilet and was having fits... In his hurry, and our lack of understanding when it comes to fits, he stuffed his fingers into my mouth so that I wouldn't bit my tongue..

then he called the ambulance n they told him to just turn me on my side and let the fits work its way away...

I remember a guy calling out to me and I was in a moving vehicle of some kind... N I was in pain..

N also this guy kept pushing an oxygen mask onto my face saying that it will make me feel better.. And at tt moment, I just wanted to tell him stop bluffing, it was making me feel worse! Haha..

But I guess I was pretty much incoherent! Couldn't even say tt much!

Then it was a black out till suddenly I remember them shifting me around and making me sign a whole bunch of things which I couldn't even see!

I think it was a chaos.. What made things worse was the fact that I couldn't see anything by that point..

Frm what I gathered frm wp after that, it sounded like he went to hell and back! Really really grateful for the mental strength that he has and how he pulled thrgh the whole thing!

Anyway skipping all the broken conversations tt I heard thrghout the whole thing, the first thing I rmb after tt was waking up v confused...

I still cldnt see.. Felt weak like shit and thirsty! Damn thirsty!

Ok, this is getting super long... It deserves a Part 2!