Wake up call! :)

I'm always fully aware that I'm nt tt great with words. Thoughts are always a mess of ideas and emotions flying all about..
And then I try to find the right words to verbalise those thoughts, but it just doesn't come out right..

But today, I'll set tt frustration of finding the 'right word' and just write out what I feel...
Because what is the right word anyway?! This is how I feel... N there is no right or wrong way to that..

Anyway I met an old friend today.. A friend way back from sec sch time.. She's moved to aus for awhile now.. Last time I saw her was probably a gd 7-9yrs back!

And the chat we had today was like... Wow!

How does a couple of more than 10yrs maintain a relationship where they do a debrief of the day's events every night!?!!
They go thrgh conversations asking things like how cld they have said this better or done things a different way....
N I think in many ways, i've always wanted a relationship like tt with my spouse..
To actually live life! To LIvE it... Not just 'go through it'....

Maybe this was what was happening recently, esp after the preparations of the wedding, that got me so depressed!
Everyday was just doing something... There was nt really a 'living part' to it...

I can blame society.. My work.. The ppl ard me... But deep down, I know I'm nt fulfilled as how I was right after the Tony robbin's course..

Of cos tt effect lasted awhile... But when life just takes over (because I let it), it's so easy to just settle.

Today was like a wake up call... More like a fresh breath of air..
I think we're always in a chase for more money... And tt becomes EVERYTHING!
I mean I knw it's impt and all... N I'm not saying tt more is not good... Just tt it's really really impt that when one is on tt route to earning more, it's really really reeaaaalllllly impt not to lose oneself in tt process...

I think tt really says what I'm feeling.. Nt to lose oneself... It's so easy to be what others want u to be.. At least for me it is...
N then suddenly one day, u feel like u can't do it anymore..

Like with F, it was all those gossips.. We're always talking abt this person, tt person... After awhile I just felt soooo sick with myself..
Till the point tt nw, I don't even wanna get into deep conversations with her... But somehow nw I knw tt instead of avoiding her, I can change the style of our conversations.. Just need to come up with other topics... :)

Nw as I head home, typing all this on my handphone... I feel more alive than ive been in the last few weeks!!
It's like wiping the slumber out of my eyes.. Seeing things sooo clearly nw..

I really hope I rmb this long enough nt to feel back into slumber mode too soon!