Eve of hari raya 2013

It's the eve of hari raya....
Something's missing. The festive feel... The celebration of the end of Ramandan... A month of successful fasting n devotion..
The smell of baking pastries in the air..
The hustle n bustle of the folks cooking in the kitchen..
The smell of preparation of food awaiting guests of the next day...

None of that this year..

It's been like tt for a few years now... Maybe this year because his birthday just passed, this feeling of 'lost' seems harder to ignore..

Hari raya used to be filled with laughter.. Food n visiting...
Somehow now I even miss hearing him chase me up in the morning to fast..

Why did things have to change so drastically? Y did he lose himself like that?
Did we make too rash a decision tt year?
By moving straight out instead of sitting down and discuss?

I dont think it's possible to return to the past. But some days, when I drive my car or when I talk a walk ard the condo, I knw this is the life he always wanted.. The luxuries of life...
And once in awhile, I catch myself hoping tt in some way..... I can actually share this joy with him....

This year's Ramandan was bad for me... I need to re-look into my faith... Losing myself...
It's no wonder i've been feeling so down the last few days...

One distracts oneself with the happenings of life. But one day, life just snaps you in the butt and there's no way to ignore tt pain.



Dear God, please forgive me for my mistakes and sins... Please guide me to become a better muslimah..
Please forgive my father for his mistakes too. Guide him back to the path of Islam..
Ameen...