Fuck procreation

I know I’m irrationally upset and messed up hormones again not helping the matter.

Backstory: Don doesn’t have sch today and the hubs went to kajiao him by asking whether he wants to go fishing KNOWING that don hasn’t complete his presentation which is this Wednesday!

Aka he knows the boy sure can’t go fishing even if he wanted to.

What pissed me off or made me really upset is that don said that I purposely didn’t want to allow him to go.

You know now that I’m trying to dig deeper into why I’m fed up…. It’s the feeling of being misunderstood and accumulation of frustration towards the kids.

It’s been awhile now… I see what a shitty child I’ve been to mummy, and how her other 2 kids are shitty to her too..

I see how most kids (aka my clients) speak to their parents with the lack of patience. Then they all say that kids will always treat their parents this way.

You know how ppl always talk about taking calculated risk? Why am I putting soooo much of myself and time and energy and every damn thing towards 3 bums who one day will treat me like crap?

Yea, there may always be the chance that they won’t… but aiyah, I tell u, with the way we’re always shouting at them, and their anger, I highly doubt they’ll be those soft spoken, lovely towards their parents type of kids (all thanks to the hubs crude way of speaking 😒)

I don’t need any validation but honestly I really don’t think I am a good mum. It doesn’t come naturally to me and yes, I’m just a very selfish person.

The only reason why I’m still taking care of this bunch and giving them every bit of myself now is because I feel that it was my error that I brought them into this world. (Fuck the natural mentality of procreation)

So since it’s alrdy happened, then fml and bring them up properly.

But days like today…… I feel sorry for myself. My soul feels drained. And I wish I could turn back time….