Ramadan 2018

So Ramadan has started.... and to date, I haven managed to even do 1 day.... :(

Internally feeling like shit because on so many levels, I know I’m not doing enough for the religious part of my soul......... if I were to die in the next hour, sure go hell! 😣

Lack of discipline... lack of effort... too many excuses...

I think those are the same points that are causing me so much financial pain.

Ever since Ramadan started, I’ve been thinking about him... random thoughts of what he used to do... like how he likes to eat the porridge from the mosque during break fast... 

how he will sometimes bring us to the bazaar at Arab street to buy yummies for break fast...

Or how he will want us to wear long pants during the morning meal n during break fast...

Memories like that really make my heart ache because he really was a good dad on so many points...... i believe he still IS........

why does the mind weaken is such an awful way that changes a person’s character totally?

It’s just so cruel.... 

And once again, I believe we were too quick on making the decision to split. Maybe he became too aggressive too quickly. Maybe we were too young to manage properly. Maybe things could have worked out differently if............

Haixx so many maybes.... but reality is he’s not with us now... really hope he’s doing well...

Dear God, I know I have not earned the rights to ask things from You..... but please continue to keep a look out over daddy.... let him be taken care of properly till his time is up...

Please keep him fed and sheltered. Remove him from any pain if any... dear Lord, please watch over him. Ameen..

3rd Mother’s Day

Thank you my dear....thank you for coming into our lives! I feel your daddy is also a half-mummy to you cos of all the things he does for u! 

You’re perfect in every way (if I were to close 1eye la! Hahah)...

And because of you, I’m a mummy.

Things I’ve learnt from being a mummy:

• patience (lots of it!)
• functioning on a constant lack of sleep
• creativity 
• P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E (cos u surely have quite a temper! 🙄 wonder which parent u took after for this character!🙄)
• Love ... some days it’s so easy to love you and everything that u do... some days, the love for you is the only thing keeping u alive 
• Sacrifice... ppl always talk abt a parent’s sacrifice.... I’ve definitely seen how true this statement is.
• Time management.. actually I’m still struggling on this. it’s a constant work in progress..
• Gratitude.. something i feel so often when I realised how God is always looking out for u. ❤️

I’m sure that my mummy brain has forgotten some thing but it’s alright.. because I believe that i’ll never stop learning or discovering new things on this journey of motherhood!

I love you my Donovan! 💕

Responsibility

I’ve come to realise that I can be a very naggy person and at times what I want to say doesn’t really come out right..

So I’m going to say what I wanna say here cos I know ure reading and also cos in here, I can still backspace and erase but in verbal words, say wrong means wrong le... 😅

What I wanna say is..............

I don’t believe that in OUR household, the responsibility of bringing home the $$$ should be solely on you (male)... neither do I believe that the sole responsibility of bringing up the child(ren) should be all on me (female)....

Unlike a traditional household, we’re both in the same industry which is sales based. So to put all that stress on you would be mean on my part.

And if both are capable and physically + mentally able, I feel that both of us have the responsibility to earn well to bring up our family and secure our retirement.

Yes, we have been going through tough times... but once again I believe as long as we have our direction right, we’ll get through this together and celebrate success together!

We’re just lazy most times and still yet to find a breakthrough of how to make this business self-sustainable.. and I feel that’s where the challenge is.

Really need to sit down one day to brainstorm together......

So yes, I was kinda affected when E said that as the man of the family, u should work harder blah blah blah........ my heart immediately went noooooooo....

But I guess not many can understand my logic.

Having money is important! Heck, I have learnt how awful the lack of money is! So yes, we need to work hard.

But not at the expense that ure the one working all the time and not spending that quality moments with your kid.

Of cos tts what most other families would do. Husband works; Wife takes care of the kids... end of the day, there’s no common topic between the 2... the focus is apart though the intention is for the good of the family.

Well, I can’t say this thinking of mine is right. And that we’re doing ourselves any good being neither here nor there...

Because very often, esp recently when cash is low... I can’t help but wonder if I should ask u to just go hands off from the care-giving work for don and focus everything on work.

Deep inside I know I won’t be able to take it.. but human adapt fast right? 😔

Hahah but I also know ure lazy.. and would rather just take care of the boy cos u think that it’s the easier of the two! 

Anyway I pray to the Almighty for a smoother path for the both of us. May our financial situation turn around and to let us have the abundance of wealth! Oh God, please hear my prayer and let things get better... Amen...