Either you change or I will

If you can’t change the way you speak (because you feel that there is nothing wrong with it), and I can’t change the way I feel about some of the words that you use (because I feel that it’s getting ruder and don is learning the way u speak), then I guess maybe lesser conversation will solve the issue.

Good Luck pls COME MY WAY!!!!

There are endless things to be done each day....

Clearing up after the kids, prep-ing their stuff, doing my own stuff, clearing the house things......

This is on top of managing their daily shinaningans...

Then there’s also a small part then I need to do self care to make sure my wound and internal health is alright..... haizzz...

But despite all this, I’ve been trying to get new biz to come in and also to clear up the little shortfall to 10k for this 1st quarter....

Sadly, things have not really been going well in the work side of things for the past 2 weeks or so...

All those potential that I msg have not replied.. all those that replied are not keen...

It’s so frustrating that I’m trying and see no good results. Yet at the same time, I see the chat grp, ppl happily ting ting ting dunno how many times a day!

Arrghhh.....

Got to end my rant abruptly here cos the rou-beans is being an ass and making the hubs crazy...

Haizzz..... now want to emo also need to see time

Are we at a point of no return?

“Divide and conquer”— when I was discharged from hospital, this was my first thoughts and mentality towards how we will manage the kids...

So much so that we divide until we really look like going to divide APART also!

These hands that keep doing and giving towards the 3 especially these past 6 weeks now have a tired heart and wounded soul.

I totally understand how it can get tiring to manage the kids + work + everything else life has thrown in... but I feel that it has gotten to the point where we start to forget US. 

Yes, I feel that we’re still adjusting (another massive adjustment period when we shift back to wlds).... but that’s how drifting apart all starts right?

Before you know it, it’s the new norm.....

What’s my love language? Touch and gesture....

U know what makes me feel secure and loved by you.

But yet somehow u only show it when I’m at the stage of crying and broken. Never earlier.....

I factor in your sexual needs because I know that THAT is also an important component in a successful relationship. (Yes, I know of late we’re doing it way lesser but come on, we’re at your PARENTS’ place! Plus I’m barely 6wks post partum and bleeding...rmb all the other times prior to this 6weeks)

I digress.

These days, we’re rarely and barely in the same space in the house. Sounds as if the house is damn big... hah...

I can ignore and keep my thoughts busy with the many stuff awaiting my attention but I treasure us and I don’t want us to get to that point of no return—- where a couple puts so much focus on the kids and daily life happenings that before u know it, they have forgotten how to talk to each other.

Talk as in really talk.. like how we used to before kids happened.. like how we used to that got us interested in each other...........

Conversations about nothing in particular but everything under the sun! Not about what the kids need or what’s on the schedule tmr or when’s the next doc appt or work appt....

You care about your blue balls but did u once ever ask me how’s my wound or does my back still tingle?

N yes it does... I still have not regain full senses in my lower back and it’s starting to worry me.

I mean I don’t need u to shower me with tons of questions EVERY day.... but 7days x 6weeks...

None... If I don’t mention, nothing is said.

If we got time to talk abt your blue balls, I think my numb and uncomfortable back deserves some attention too...

Maybe since last time, I showered you with plenty of attention and love... but after so long, your way of showing your love to me is still not the kind that comforts me when I get emo.

In short, do u know what I want? Do you know what this whole post is about? I want conversation, I want us to chat and talk, I want you to want me... as a spouse and as a friend.

Cos from where I see right now, we’re just 2 people in this shit managing 3 small children.

Am I expecting too much from you? 

If I am, I really don’t know how I can lower this standard..........

Some days it gets too tiring to even try to get you in a conversation because it feels like I’m talking to myself.

Your show, hp, tv everything else is what u would rather put your eyes n ears to.

Don’t get me wrong, you WILL continue the conversation when I speak to you... but you’re not the one to initiate the conversation. And tts the difference to me.

This morning before u left for work, u didn’t even say anything to me. NOTHING.

Even strangers say “morning” or a nod?

Yes u were busy getting the kids ready for sch. I was stuck with didi in the room. 

But when u came in to get your clothes, not even a grunt to acknowledge my existence.

I know u will say “oh because I know u are tired so I don’t want to disturb you”

But even a kiss on the head would have been a gesture that I would appreciate.

Don’t even need any words.

Haizz.... I’m going to end this here.. because suddenly I feel this whole mountain of emotions of how maybe i have ‘grown’ so much that it disgusts you.

Even now the thought of kissing you feels awkward to me.........

Hello stranger.