Failures at failures
Thinking back, i gotta agree with what my bro once said.
He said that we (was referring to my sis, himself and me) were lucky. Lucky in the sense that we managed to complete our years of primary and secondary education smoothly. That unlike some people who had to be retained, we went on one year after next. Always going up....
[we were talking abt a whole other issue then but i still see the link to other stuff]
And so from such experience, we never had to face failures. Of course at this point im not talking abt the minor failures such as failing a small class test sort of thing. It's more like the, if-u-fail-this-exam-u-will-do-sec1-another-year kinda of failure. The big kind of failure. The kind of failure that feels like a hard punch in the stomach.
Then again, i was lucky that i didnt have to face the small-class-test kind of failure until sec 3. Even tt kind of mini-setback took some getting used to. After failing soooo often in A.Maths during sec3, practically the whole of tt yr (!!) , failing didnt really matter/hurt that bad after the 5th time.
[ i remembered after failing the first 2 times consecutively,i broke down one day during assembly after sch when i was doing my councillor duty(only my duty partner was present at tt moment while the whole sch was in the hall). I wasnt able to handle the failures. Worse thing is that handsome PE teacher had to witness that!!! Suddenly walked past.... =S sooooo embrassing! But at tt time it felt good to hear his words of comfort. => ]
Oppss...digression..Ok coming back, what i meant to say is that failures no matter how small is bound to hurt. How much pain it causes is up to the individual it concerns.
But in this highly protected education system of ours, one won't face much failures when young. A normal student should see through pri. and secondary education in roughly 10-11 years.
Bigger forms of failures starts coming in after that. Or even after tertiary education.
So how does one learn to cope with the punches after 10 years +++ of smooth flowing life? 10+++ years of being protected by the education system. After years of hearing that if one works hard at something,putting all heart and soul into it, one would NOT fail. Only to realise that it's not really true once u step out of education.
It's no wonder ppl say 'the world out there is cruel'. Because in the 'real' world, 'working hard' does NOT necessarily equals 'success'. And so after being soooo well taken care of for like 20 years plus(including tertiary edu.), failing at something totally out of your control feels soooo damn unfair. And unfortunately, life IS unfair. So there's nothing you can complain about.
I guess what im trying to say is that after 20years of not having to face many failures (except in terms of tests...exams not included), my most recent failure felt worse than a punch in the stomach. Felt like a hole in the heart too. The empty empty feeling both in the stomach and bottom of the heart kind.
My most recent failure got me thinking that maybe the reason why im so 'weak' inside and lousy at handling failures is because ive been too protected before this. As explained in all the crap above.
So unlike from the experiences of other failures, where i would spend days buried in my tears, drowning in self-pity and then hiding 'what went wrong' under the-big-rug-for-failures, im gonna stand proud and tall after this fall.
Im gonna learn to take this kind of punches. Strengthen both my heart and stomach from such things. Slowly, maybe i'll see failures as just a stepping stone for me to get higher. For me to improve myself and get better.
But for now, i think im gonna allow myself another day (hmmm..make that 2 days) of feeling lousy for failing my Driving TP exam yesterday. Bleh~
[would like to thank those who sent msgs b4 and/or after my TP. All of what i received was very sweet and encouraging. Thanks pals!
I guess no matter how much i complain now about how bias the examiner was or how wrongly i was assessed for some parts are pointless. Angry also no use. Anyway think he was cursed by many others before me already.
Thanks again for the words of comfort! Greatly appreciated. ]
He said that we (was referring to my sis, himself and me) were lucky. Lucky in the sense that we managed to complete our years of primary and secondary education smoothly. That unlike some people who had to be retained, we went on one year after next. Always going up....
[we were talking abt a whole other issue then but i still see the link to other stuff]
And so from such experience, we never had to face failures. Of course at this point im not talking abt the minor failures such as failing a small class test sort of thing. It's more like the, if-u-fail-this-exam-u-will-do-sec1-another-year kinda of failure. The big kind of failure. The kind of failure that feels like a hard punch in the stomach.
Then again, i was lucky that i didnt have to face the small-class-test kind of failure until sec 3. Even tt kind of mini-setback took some getting used to. After failing soooo often in A.Maths during sec3, practically the whole of tt yr (!!) , failing didnt really matter/hurt that bad after the 5th time.
[ i remembered after failing the first 2 times consecutively,i broke down one day during assembly after sch when i was doing my councillor duty(only my duty partner was present at tt moment while the whole sch was in the hall). I wasnt able to handle the failures. Worse thing is that handsome PE teacher had to witness that!!! Suddenly walked past.... =S sooooo embrassing! But at tt time it felt good to hear his words of comfort. => ]
Oppss...digression..Ok coming back, what i meant to say is that failures no matter how small is bound to hurt. How much pain it causes is up to the individual it concerns.
But in this highly protected education system of ours, one won't face much failures when young. A normal student should see through pri. and secondary education in roughly 10-11 years.
Bigger forms of failures starts coming in after that. Or even after tertiary education.
So how does one learn to cope with the punches after 10 years +++ of smooth flowing life? 10+++ years of being protected by the education system. After years of hearing that if one works hard at something,putting all heart and soul into it, one would NOT fail. Only to realise that it's not really true once u step out of education.
It's no wonder ppl say 'the world out there is cruel'. Because in the 'real' world, 'working hard' does NOT necessarily equals 'success'. And so after being soooo well taken care of for like 20 years plus(including tertiary edu.), failing at something totally out of your control feels soooo damn unfair. And unfortunately, life IS unfair. So there's nothing you can complain about.
I guess what im trying to say is that after 20years of not having to face many failures (except in terms of tests...exams not included), my most recent failure felt worse than a punch in the stomach. Felt like a hole in the heart too. The empty empty feeling both in the stomach and bottom of the heart kind.
My most recent failure got me thinking that maybe the reason why im so 'weak' inside and lousy at handling failures is because ive been too protected before this. As explained in all the crap above.
So unlike from the experiences of other failures, where i would spend days buried in my tears, drowning in self-pity and then hiding 'what went wrong' under the-big-rug-for-failures, im gonna stand proud and tall after this fall.
Im gonna learn to take this kind of punches. Strengthen both my heart and stomach from such things. Slowly, maybe i'll see failures as just a stepping stone for me to get higher. For me to improve myself and get better.
But for now, i think im gonna allow myself another day (hmmm..make that 2 days) of feeling lousy for failing my Driving TP exam yesterday. Bleh~
[would like to thank those who sent msgs b4 and/or after my TP. All of what i received was very sweet and encouraging. Thanks pals!
I guess no matter how much i complain now about how bias the examiner was or how wrongly i was assessed for some parts are pointless. Angry also no use. Anyway think he was cursed by many others before me already.
Thanks again for the words of comfort! Greatly appreciated. ]
posted by Joyz at
12/14/2005 10:54:00 PM
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