God save me please

This post is gonna be a negative verbal diarrhoea... 

Dunno if it's the hormones (yes, surprise! Yet again la) or what... Just feeling soooooo overwhelmed right now

U know how since young, I always always hated the feeling of not having enough money... Like when it gets really tight..

So now with so many high amount bills, even just having $1000 in the bank makes me worry. Because easily 1 repair for the car can wipe tt amount clean! (Choy choy.... Please don't let it happen!)

Or if Don gets sick or goes for vaccination, easily few hundreds gone!

Arghhh... So many outstanding amounts I need to clear too! 

Doesn't help that sales are not really coming in fast and furious.. Not enough time put into work and not enough luck to have sales just ownself coming in

So how?

Feel emo and worry till headache lor... Fucked up la... Really feel like fuck! 

Fan blowing at me, back of my mind goes "oh ya, still got the SP services bills to pay"

Just wanna cry and go sleep and forget everything. But tts so gin-na... Cos it won't help anything. Tmr the shit is still there to clear. Plus end up with swollen eyes... More depressing...

Don takes up so much of my time n energy each day. I'm really happy to spend it with him but I know work is suffering as a result too.... 

Last on the chart for January.. With agents who are sub standard n even a part timer included, I'm LAST! How fucked up is that... Laughable even if I'm in the mood...

(Suddenly reminds me of how if I'm not wrong, I was last few in class during sec 3 I think.. The same feeling of shitness)

Yes, I'm used to being in front... Not usually first but not ever the last too... I can't accept this failure feeling!

I'm struggling... Fighting. I need someone who can understand what I'm going through or have gone through it too... To tell me how to do better.. How to manage better! Cos I feel like I'm drowning sometimes... 

I wanna fight.. I know I will still fight on.., but today.... Today it feels just too hard and too tiring. I just ....,.. 😞

Maybe tmr will be a better day.. I pray and hope it will be a better day...

Please.