Please Stop These Tests

Things got better and then bad again...

I really wanna just blame it all on the hormones but I'm really not sure if tts all to it..

I refuse to think tt I'm clinically depressed but I can't seem to control my emotions these days! 

Maybe is going through a growth spurt or something.. But I'm soooo worn out by him esp these 2 days.. 

And I hate myself for the way I'm handling him too! I hate to hear his crys and I'm treating him too rough.. I catch myself doing in and change it right away.. But sometimes the action is done alrdy and I super hate myself..

What kind of mother will wanna hurt her child?

But at times I really snap.. Can't take it le..

N esp now since the hubs was doing his reservist, he comes home soooo tired everyday tt I feel so bad to even ask for his help.. But as much as I don't want to ask for it, I know if I don't, I think I'm really gonna lose it.. Like for real..

I'm feeling so lousy all the time.. And depressed.. I'm v aware of it so i keep snapping myself out of it but at times like now, I just can't handle it anymore....

God, oh God... Please stop testing me.. Pls stop pushing me further... I really can't take it anymore for now... Hold back your tests for me ok?

I know you're trying to make me stronger... But not all now ok.. Please....